January-February 2011 Creative Screenwriting Page 8

creativescreenwriting January/February 2011

Dear Subscriber,

Christmas season in the Southland. 85 de-

grees outside. The time of year when that
"Bah-humbug!" spirit suffuses the soul...

Admittedly, by the time you read this, the

holidays will be past us. So begging your un-
derstanding on timing, here are ...

A Few Christmas Presents to Some
of Our Contest Correspondents

I inherited the job of

managing our screenplay
contests when budget cuts
scrooged out the prior holder
of the position. Since taking
over this (nonpaying) post,
I'm the one who is tasked
with communicating with
producers, agents and man-
agers who want to see the
best scripts from our Expo
Screenplay Competition and
AAA Screenplay Contest
(which is open to submis-
sions, by the way see http://creativescreen-
writing.com/aaa/ndex.html).

In this role, I suddenly find myself as

one of those gatekeepers with a small role
in deciding whose scripts get the industry's
attention.

Also, I created an online system for our

contest judges to provide brief, free (other
than the basic contest entry fee) feedback
to contest entrants. We just used it for the
first time to send feedback to writers who
entered the 2010 Expo Screenplay Compe-
tition. Nothing's perfect in its first itera-
tion, so in the interest of seeking
improvements, I asked contest entrants for
feedback on our feedback.

Here is some of the writer feedback on

our feedback, in italics, with my replies ...
and stocking-stuffers for a few of these cor-
respondents...

"I want to thank you for the feedback. I

wanted to also ask you if you still have the
feedback for the 2009 contest."

My Christmas wish: I truly hope the feed-

back helps you win a contest or two and sell
your screenplay in 2011. And sorry, we don't
have feedback from prior contests because
we didn't create this system until this past
September. But we will offer it, hopefully im-
proved, in the currently open AAA Screen-
play Contest and others in the future. And
Ho-Ho-Ho, I just sent you a coupon code
worth $45 off the entry fee on the AAA Con-
test, so you could enter that other script you
mentioned for a mere $5 and get feedback.

"I would like to call you and ask if I could

hug my judge and thank this person for the spark,
the few suggestions they offered and in few words
the crux of making a potentially good script mar-
ketable and sellable... I plan to share my excite-
ment about this contest with other new writers
and hope to speak with you about this soon. You
folks have challenged me to write more, and
divvy up my time sitting around the campfire
telling a good story, with fine tuning the art of

being a good technician. These
two elements thrown into the
cauldron of writing success will
feed lots of hungry and fascinated
story listeners. Next time I enter,
you are going to see me in the
winners circle."

Wow. Thank you. Nothing

else to add except: Enjoy the
$45 off coupon I sent to you.

"I can't remember how much

I paid for this and will go back
and look, but I hope it was very
little or free. If it was more, I will

have to lodge a complaint as this was the least
helpful feedback I have ever received... If this
feedback was free, then I suggest not bothering
with it or charging so you can offer the entrant
something that can be useful."

It was free. Very sorry we did nothing but

annoy you. We do like your suggestion to
provide a paid version with more depth.
We've asked our developer to revise the con-
test entry system to allow writers to add in-
depth notes for a fee.

"You need better judges. Mine wrote: `Scene

slugs are never written in bold; and every slug
must have DAY or NIGHT indicated.' This
silly and outdated advice is contradicted by
the recent Academy Award winner for Best
Original Screenplay:

http://content.thehurtlocker.com/2010

0103_01/hurtlocker_script.pdf.

I will never enter your contest again."
First: I do understand that rejection is

painful and that placing your future, even
for a moment, in the hands of a judge you
regard as nitpicking can be a terrible frus-
tration. However, I'm unable to find con-
firmation for your assertion that the
judge's advice is "silly and outdated." A
quick search turned up two message-board
discussions on this very question, and
other resources:

http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/b
oards/showthread.php?t=11895

http://forums.celtx.com/viewtopic.php?f
=7&t=534

http://www.storysense.com/format/
headings.htm (Michael Ray Brown)

AFI Basic Tool Kit & Resource Guide for

Young Filmmakers:

http://www.myhero.com/myhero/go/th
eteachersroom/pdf/AFI_BasicsHand-
book.pdf

They're all in agreement: no boldface. I

thought the comments from a script reader
on the Done Deal Pro board were quite to
the point. Boldface annoys this reader, and
since you won't be there to explain to
whomever the reader works for that his/her
view on boldfacing is "silly and outdated,"
why risk it?

However, if script readers aren't up to date

on acceptable style, maybe it's time to bring
them up to date? Anyone with a view on ei-
ther side of this question may send it to pub-
lisher@creativescreenwriting.com.

"Feedback you provide is thinner than

[celebrity name deleted] after a three-day meth
bender."

I'm too busy to follow the dietary/phar-

maceutical intakes of the Hollywood glit-
terati, so I have no basis for comparison, but
it's a nicely written insult. You might try put-
ting some of that vinegar into your charac-
ters' dialogue.

"I don't know how the judge's comment

equates to a 42 out of 100: `The world of the
story is very credible, and the action is harrowing.
The lead character is sympathetic.' As a profes-
sional screenwriter (WGA for many years and in-
ternational screenwriting contest winner), I know
I have a tight, well-written screenplay with a
great structure. Other professional writers have
read it and agree. "

I don't know how the judge came to that

conclusion either. Since we're not going to
reopen the contest, we sent you a coupon to
try again with this or another script free of
charge. Best wishes and thank you for your
feedback.

"`Don't open a script -- EVER -- with a

voiceover. It's lazy storytelling. If the writer can't
be bothered to construct scenes that show us how
Liz actually developed..." ± quote from your
`judge.' I'm sorry -- I don't know who this judge
is -- but their advice is idiotic. There are so many
awesome scripts that start off with a VO (Amer-
ican Beauty, Curious Case of Benjamin But-
ton) that to tell a writer they can NEVER open
with a VO -- it's just stupid. And harmful. "

I read a bit of your script. I liked the use

of voiceover in this instance. I thought it
created a very efficient opening and got her
character down pat in half a page. Also

Editor

L E T T E R F R O M T H E

`Twas Two Weeks

Before Christmas...

continued on page 73